Wednesday, January 1, 2020

2019 - the year I learned to ask for help (also, not letting the crappy stuff dim the wonderful things)


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At the end of 2018 a text message thread changed. My best friends and I frequently group text. Typically it involves pictures of children, pets, or just a funny reminder (usually involving the Indigo Girls). At the end of 2018 that thread changed. It became about updates.

My father in Law is in the hospital.
My aunt is in the hospital.
There has been an accident.

This thread kept us together. While three of us are on the east coast, we are scattered from Massachusetts to New York. The fourth is over 5000 miles away. This text thread kept us connected. It reminded us that we were there for eachother even if we couldn't be at eachother's side.

So, why does this text thread start off my 2019 blog post.

the end of 2018 and 2019 is where I learned that not only can I ask for help, but people will actually do just that, they will help.

In December of 2018 my aunts, mother, and I were camped out in an ICU waiting room waiting for an update, any update, as to how my aunt robin was doing. updates were slow, because updates are never quick in the hospital. It was a Saturday. I checked my email and saw the weekly email from our minister of Music about the next days service. There was no way I'd make it back, so I let her know that I wouldn't be at service on Sunday.

She quickly replied and asked if she wanted me to tell the choir. I said yes, because at this time all we could ask for were prayers.

Now, I'd been going to this church for about 2 years. It was my first year in the choir. yes, I know that most people go to their church for help, but this was really the first time I had done that.

Something happened that I didn't expect. My email box filled, my phone rang. Everyone just saying "we are here for you" "We are praying for you"

I returned to church and it continued. When she passed, I felt a wave of genuine support and kindness.
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2019 continued. The text thread with my friends continued to be challenging. But we continued to be there for eachother, if only in short text messages.

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Now, I have to be honest, not all of 2019 was bad. In Fact, some pretty great things happened.
- I was able to attend my sister's wedding in Florida
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- I got to sit with my aunts for 3 hours and listen to their amazing stories from growing up, and I got to record their conversation.
- I took AMAZING classes towards my masters degree.
- I ran a 5k with amazing friends!
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- I attended an amazing Arts Week in Deer Isle Maine with some fantastic students.
- I directed a scene for class.
- I spent most of my summer commuting to Boston on the Ferry
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- I assistant Directed a BEAUTIFUL production of Silent Sky.
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- I performed the Rutter Requiem and an incredible christmas program with our festival choir.
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- I attended incredible live performances, including my first 2 full length operas.
- I completed my stereo system set up and continued to build my vinyl collection.
- I had another incredible week at camp casco
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- I volunteered for the Closer to Free Ride again.
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2019 has had some major blows to my life. Yes, it is the year I was diagnosed with breast cancer, yes it was the year that I got laid off from a job that I held for 11 years.  but it has also taught me that there are people in my life that will be there for me when I need them. 2019 taught me to ask for help. yes, I will always be the overly independent person that I've always been and don't ask if I need help when I'm carrying 12 grocery bags into the house, because I will NEVER need help with that .
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