Fact is, I enjoy knitting for other people. I have a number of items that I love that are my own, and the sweater that I am knitting is proof of that. But fact is, I love knitting for other people.
Nothing gives me more joy than a new hat for a baby, a gift for my nephew, a scarf for a friend. Recently I realized the people that I have not knit for, and now I cannot.
In January I lost a friend and coworker. We worked together for 4 years. We spoke every day 5 days a week, frequently more than that. We found joy as our sisters brought nephews and nieces and nephews into our lives. I made a hat for her first nephew. She donated to every event that I participated in. She was the first person to wish me a happy birthday, and she even gave me yarn for my birthday. But never did I cast on something for her.
I'm sure I thought of it. I'm sue I considered it. I'm sure I even found a pattern. Now I cannot.
I know that I cannot go back in time, and in this situation a part of me so wishes that I could. This loss was not one that I was prepared for. It was one that was sudden, unexpected, and sad. When I lost my grandfather is was 92. He lived a life of service, business, and family. He saw his great Grandchildren. He traveled, he saw the world. While his loss was not "expected" I was able to prepare. He fell ill, we knew how sick he was. We knew that he didn't want machines. We knew.. It's possible that even he knew.
When my friend lost he child it was tragic. Madeline was 11 years old. She had battled cancer twice. She was a fighter, correction... she was a tiger. But as tragic and heartbreaking as this loss was, it was one that we could prepare for. Chemo was no longer working. The cancer was taking over. She was in pain.
I never knit for my friend because I always thought there would be time. I always thought I would be able to talk to her. I expected she would be able to tell me he favorite color, and I am sure it would have been a shade of pink. I'm sure it would have been something like a scarf that she could wear in the office because she was always cold. It would match perfectly with her pink boots that she loved so much.
I promise to tell you more about my new sweater that is on the needles soon. But I had to get this out there.