2 years, Still Miss you

This was your last sunset. I sat and watched this with my mom for close to an hour, it was something she really wanted to do in Key West, so it was our last adventure. Even watching this I knew something wasn't right. We hadn't heard from you all day. You weren't answering your phone. There had been days in the past where you might be tough to reach, but you always appeared "Nothing to worry about, I'm fine." This time was different. You weren't calling back, your voice wasn't on the other end, your text never came. I'd return to the hotel to send a message to Carla Jean on Facebook. I still can't facebook message her because I see that message. Zuckerberg can make a lot of things happen, but he can't take away that message that I had to send. "We haven't heard from her. We are getting concerned"

Fact is I miss you. I miss you still. I miss you a lot. I think of the things that have happened that you should have been here for. Josh opened a new show, you would love it. I saw Once on this Island twice, it was amazing both times. Your niece and Nephews are amazing and hilarious, though I think my favorite pictures of them are the time out photos... because, well. They are amazing. we started a new "VendiniBambini" channel on slack where everyone shares pictures of their kids. Yup, I know you would be RIGHT there aunt bragging. I watched Dumplin' the other night, and I know we would have been texting all the way through it. Your mom got an amazing new hair cut. These are the things happening that I know we would be sharing, these are the things that

There are losses that I can accept and come to terms with, but I fear yours is one that I may never fully understand. You remain on this earth in the memories that you created, in the joy that you brought, and in the grief that so many of us share.

Thinking of you scarf

When I learned that one of our pastors would be leaving our church I had many thoughts (I'll discuss those later) but I also knew that I had to knit something for her. The first time I entered the church this person approached me and asked "what are you knitting?" over the past couple of years we bonded over many knitting projects that we were working on.

I had thought about working with a pattern that I know she likes, but I was reminded of the "Thinking of You" Scarf. I acquired this pattern a few years ago as i prepared a gift for another friend. I not only love how it works up, but I also love what the designer says about the pattern.


The scarf begins with a wavy eyelet rib stitch symbolizing the twists and turns of life and ends with a band of interlocking hearts to express the bonds of loving friendship and support.



yup, that was it.

I had initially cast on the project in a beautiful yarn that I had purchased from a local Artist in North Carolina, as this friend is relocating to a parish in North Carolina it seemed perfect!

I liked the purple but the texture just wasn't working out.

I stopped into JoAnne Fabric just to see if something would catch my eye. I immediately saw Lion Brand Shawl in a Cake I'm not typically a fan of big box yarn for a project like this, however it was perfect. The colors immediately reminded me of the water. Our current church is on the ocean, and she is heading to the mountains. This was it!



The project worked up beautifully.


I will say that I had some trouble keeping track of the row numbers. I downloaded a new stitch counter app called K & C counter. I am a fan.

This project was with me while I was sitting with my aunt in the ICU at Yale, it was with me while I got some shocking family news, and it was with me when I lost my aunt.



I will be 100% honest and put it out there that I DID make a pretty significant error on the project that I did not discover until I was blocking the project. I leave it to the recipient to let me know if she finds it. With the way this scarf gets worn, the average person would not notice it. Today I was able to present her with this scarf as a farewell for now (she is conveniently relocating to one of my favorite cities). With the scarf, I gave her a copy of Annie and the Swiss Cheese scarf, a symbol of my own faith journey told through knitting.

Never would I have expected....

If you had told me three weeks ago that I would be where I am right now, I probably would have told you it was a lie.

Three weeks ago today we received the call that Robin had "fallen and hit her head"

From there, we learned that it was an Aneurysm burst.

We knew that the possibility for recovery would be difficult, but we had to give her a chance at life.

3 weeks of visiting the hospital, bad coffee, soda from vending machines, arranging coverage so that we could be with her. Three weeks of "wiggle your toes" and "open your eyes" in hopes that we would see a glimmer of the aunt that I had always known.

Three weeks of friends, family, and church family supporting me with messages, texts, emails, and prayer.

Three weeks of wondering if we would see the same Robin again.

It all boils down to the past 24 hours. The hours when we knew she wasn't going to improve. The hours when she stopped breathing on her own. The hours when we knew we could honor her wishes to be an organ donor.

Organ donation doesn't work like Greys anatomy. Right now we wait to see if her kidneys will be able to be a gift to 2 recipients. And that is what they call it, these potential donors have been told that someone has offered them a gift. A gift to continue their life probably off dialysis.

These people don't know that if they receive this gift, they might need to become fans of the Red Sox and Patriots. They might grow a taste for Mich Ultra, and they are forever family.

I cannot express my thanks to friends, family, coworkers, and my church family for their support.

The New England Donor Services who walked our family through this process.

And to my aunts, my mother, my cousins, my uncles, my sisters..... may we all know how strong our family is and that we always have each other.

knitting for knitters is hard

Let's face it, crafting for crafters is difficult. probably more difficult than anything else that we craft.

Currently, I am working on a project for a dear friend that is moving away. I agonized over the project, then the yarn, then I kept making errors and restarted the project not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES (if this person reads this post, she is possibly cringing because restarting projects drives her crazy)

Currently, I'm looking at the project hoping that a small inconsistency blocks out, what do I do if it's doesn't.

I want this gift to be perfect. This person has been there for me during some difficult moments over the past few years. When we first met she approached me to ask about my knitting. we found common ground in our love of beautiful patterns and the fibers that create those projects.

I know this finished item will be well received, I know that she will understand the work that went into it.

But that does not change the fact... knitting for knitters is hard.