Hope

When I started going back to church I learned what Advent really was. I remember walking into a church on the first Sunday of Advent. I was not in a great place. I had hurt myself a few days before. I was in pain, I was frustrated, I was feeling sorry for myself. The choice to go back to church was almost one of obligation, the choice of the church was convenience... I could walk there because my injury limited my driving.

I realized it was the start of Advent and I thought "Oh great, everyone is going to be excited for Christmas and I'm just not there yet." The first words spoken by the pastor that day were "Waiting is hard." She went on to discuss how while we are in a joyful season, we are waiting for something. WE are waiting for something when days shorter and there is more darkness. We are waiting and that just isn't easy.

It was the first Advent season where I listened to what each week meant, I thought the candles were just for each week. I'm sure I was taught what they meant when I was a child, but I was an adult now. The first week of advent symbolizes hope.

One of these Decembers I am going to sit here and think "Wow, that was an amazing year" and I really can't wait until I get to do that. Instead I sit here one more December and I am thinking "This year was rough". I won't say I want it to be over so that I can start new, because I know better than to think that January 1st will bring amazing things. Really it just brings a new page on the calendar.

This week I have hope that I can look back on this year and find my moments of joy. I will look back on the moments of sadness, as those moments have shaped me this year.